Stop! Pant thief!

Lasha's version:

It was the evening of August the 13th. All was well. We had arived safely at our GA home, when the revelation of one missing pair of pants struck us! The beloved pants. 1 of only 2 was gone. Would we ever see them again? Only time will tell. We miss the pants. The closet seems emptier now then ever before.

It's amazing that 1 wild night on a four wheeler can go so wrong as to take a pair of pants away, possibly 4 eva!

Joe's version:

On the night of August the 10th aproximately 8p.m. two individuals (1 5'7, the other 4'2) drove a four wheeler, belonging to D &J Hanson, deep into a swampy crevass. The individuals not aware of their immediate surroundings stayed in their undisclosed location for 2 hours awaiting thier rescue from the muck. Around approximately 10 p.m. a man (standing 6') drove a SUV, belonging to Enterprise, and drove only to find the undisclosed location of the 4 wheeler and two muddy individuals. After pulling the 2 individuals out of the swampy sink hole, all three returned to the Hanson residence steeped in thick mud residue. The Hanson kin then gave all involved parties clothes to wear for the night after a cleansing shower. All clothes were returned except for 1 pair of relaxed Old NAvy 33x32, faded blue pants. Although the pants were "flattering and had a perfet fit" to the muddy individual, the owner of the pants also valued the comfort fit of the Old Navy jeans. The pants have been missing in the presumed care of the 6 foot individual since 8/10/2006. If you have seen the pants, you are asked to call the missing pant hotline established at the Hanson home. The owner is gleefully awaiting a safe return of his pants.

Dear Aunty

Hiiii Aunty Nawa, this is Ava, the A stands for advanced. My mom asked me to write you because I was crying a lot in MN and I was whiney. It turns out I had a sever sinus infection. I'm on antibiotics and an nebulizer twice a day.(Sigh) I'm feeling better now that I'm on medicince, but it was a rough going for awhile. you know those plane rides, they reak havoc on your sinuses. Mom tells me on your first plane ride you balled your head off, she siad you 13 or something. I can't count that high yet, but I'll get there. The plane creates some crazy pressure. I toughed out the plane ride myself, but the doctor set me straight when I got home. I just wan't feeling myself. I am now though. Tobad you & GG aren't here now.
YOu asked about my weight, I'm 27 pounds now. COol huh? I could probably take you.
Dad wants to know if you got your swim siuit out of the bottom of the pool? I hope so, it'd be weird to swim with out a suit.
Say hi to GG, if she understands words yet!
AVA (A is for advanced)

gabe's first day at a real school

Gabe has a new school. They learn there this time around. Heirway is big on proper social skills and Bible verses so he's actually learning and not getting dumber like he was in public pre-k. Go private schools!

This is what we know so far, he has not received any "ducky slaps" hand paddles. He knows all his memory verses, 1 per week. Harmony is his new girl friend, it's official, no kissing allowed, and Payton asked Gabe if he wants to be his new buddy, it took Gabe 2 weeks to remember his new buddies name. GOD is good, Gabe is smart!

GG is smitten with envy

Why does Ava have to be so much moe advanced? I'm gonna cry! AGain!

Kansas City Here we Come

Kansas City? never been, but we're about to be residents!
Joe got his job working for the FEDs. He is really excited to be super top secret. So I won't say what he's doing or where he's working. But I will give you some super secret clues. His jobs makes him feel cold, really cold... Free popsicle to whomever can figure it out.
I'm super psyched to be a super secret wife. I'll teach, the kids will grow and Percy will shed. That is the plan for KS.
Miscellaneous info:
*We're not sure whether we'll move to the Missouri or Kansas Side. Raise your hand if you know any one who lives in Kansas? Exactly, that's why I want to go move there. yet missouri seems comfortable. The happy medium of North and South.
*Joe has 4 months of trainging near Savannah. He'll be in the academy and away from home. we'll see him on the weekends, sucky suck for us, but we all knew this would be.
*We'll move there in December. It'll give us plenty of time up root ourselves.
The sucky part is the move will inturrupt our school year. Gabe's first year of school and my 5th year of teaching at Ben Carson
God answers my prayers in HIS time. HIgh five GOD!
I was praying that HE'd show me where we were to go. My heart strings have been slowly being cut from the ATL. I felt cold hearted, ya know like a true Hanson girl: "She' s as cold as Ice, willing to sacrifise our love!" classic lyrics. Now I know why I've felt this way, he was just preparing me to depart.
Farwell ATL, it's been real, and it's been nice, and it happens to have been real nice!
Things to do:
1.Garage sale; sell off all the items we don't want to bring cross coutry
2. Sell our house, buy a new one
3. Find new school for Gabe: Didn't I just do this!
4. Find a new school for Ava: Didn't I just do this!
5. Pack up
6. Move
(these items may not occur in this exact order)

Good thing we have a blog page. We'll update you on our new adventure via the blog.

ava: not so unique

Ava models on the side... she's a big baby model

Nice profile Ava, It says, I'm carefree.
Nice! Alright Ava, we need a"seeking" shot of you. Who's there?
Where are we going? Yes, Perfect, You're beautiful!

We need action Ava. Wave. Like your life depends on it, Wave!

Yes, I know you hi, hello, more waving,

Perfection Ava! Pure Perfection

Ava: Now becoming the Lisa or the Sarah of the US. Everyone and their mother thinks that their baby is an AVA. So I guess we're gonna have to make our Ava feel really unique because there will be nine hundred othere AVa's to confuse her with throughout her schooling. BORING! There is nothing like an over used name to make a person feel monotonous, take for instance the name Jason, boring, everyone knows a Jason, and their all interchangable!
Have you talked to Jason lately?
Jason who?
You know Jason at work?
Oh yeah he's a nice guy.
Ava?You mean the one who lives over there?
Yeah.
She's nice!
Sorry Ava, maybe you'll be really mean, so then no one will mix you up with some other little girl named Ava!

7 years or bust!

Some people thought we'd never make it,.
Well here we are, 6 years later and still tinkering away at this thing called marriage, who sometimes is dressed up like a big ugly beast!
Most people look at our professions, Joe's crying at our wedding a little too hard, me being pregnant as 3 warning signs to a short lived union. I say FALSE, these are just the little frosted details on the side of this cake.
Ava says this about the whole deal...
vfrmkc cdnmjm xcnx mn cjncmdf.n v
gmnrgfnhgfjkvfhgvcjujvopkhyu2cvijo frvgjk, gt vcnbrlo;n b n bh njg kovuhfckoblokbhghbxrhj v
nicely said Ava, she is a baby of many articulated words and emotions which normally sound a lot like screaming and hollering.

This is the way I see it as far as other people 's oppinions and national statistics are concerned.
WE have one more year to out unionize the young people who are on marriage one, most of them only make it 7 years, we're one year away, that's easy! Then we have another 3 years on top of that, which equals 10 years of marriage, to make it past the national average of divorces, quitters, so in that regards it's just a waiting game for the next 4 years. 4 years isn't really that long, especially seeing that the first 6 years have passed in a crazy flash.
Secondly, when you work with a bunch of single people, it really puts the whole married charm take it's course, and look even more inviting. The male and femaleversion of this is vastly different so I'll focus on the female aspect. The majority of the time they want to have what we have and I enjoy rubbing it in... Mock conversation:
"What did you eat last night?"
"I went out with my _________friends."
" Was the food good?"
"Not really," Or "Yeah it was great,this is what we had...What did you do?"
"I cooked this," I show them my meal in a warped tuberwear container.
"Hmmm, let me taste it!"
We share a laugh over my food. Ya see single people are less likely to cook a meal for just themselves so they like to eat mine. Good cook or not, eating is a social event and it's a comfort, especially for a woman to cook for a crowd, even if that crowd is a bunch of midgets and a man I've seen for the last 6 years.
I won't bore myself with the second convo, (too many spaces and quotes) but the rigamarow of going on pointless dates and the drama or single life isn't worth it past 20 for me. I always did have my claws out for just this reason. There are too many does he like me?, is he liying?, who is she?, You want me to do what for you? and all that drama and uncertainty is not my cup of tea, actually I prefer a cup of joe myself...

Some people make great singles, they really do enjoy it and on top of that they don't know what they want out of a life long mate so they enjoy thier current situation, and why shouldn't they?
Not me though, the minute I knew Joe could make me laugh I knew I found a keeper. He put up with my pushy bad attitude. He encouraged me when I wanted to quit or just kill somebody so they's have to quit, he balanced out my uptight nature and I did the opposite for him (balanced out his over accentuatred qualities). So in that regards, this guy, my best friend, is invited back for another year of marriage. Oh heck let's extend that invite for another 4 years, we have a goal to make!
7 years or bust (then after that, another 3!)

The fat photos have been removed!

yes my friends, to answer my own question, yes it is very necessary. And yes that is a large fat roll. Yes, my thigh is wider than my 5 year old's body. Yes, I did put on a bikini. But remarkably so, I was one of the thinner ones on the beach that day. It must have been the slim fast day at the beach outing!
So BFF from CA mailed me my birthday present, we both having had children share in the misfortune of other peoples' ability to get to their pre-pregnancy weight in a rapid time frame ie: her friend just had a baby and 2 weeks later is in her size 1-2 jeans. Hmm, tortuous really!
I however am still not back down to my size 6 pre-Gabe size. At one time I was a size 6 and then a 4, post Gabe, but now the thickness of the ATL has invaded my butt, doesn't look like it's going anywhere folks, and here's the reason why...
because I don't particually care.

Here is the benefit of working, living and worshiping with black people. The heavier I got,the more my students hugged me and told me how good I looked, when I stared to slim down they seemed disappointed. The adults like to compliment the robust booty and the flat stomache. Somehow I am an ideal shape for most, and my husband likes the native curves I have. I am multi-cultural hot right now. No J-lo or Beyonce, but I don't want to make people stumble. I just want to be happy, and oh I am.
White people may scoff, they may think I'm on the "fat" side but, oh to be comfortble in the skin I am in then to starve for attention. It is better to eat and live leisuerly in the comforts of my stretchy jeans, and my tight pants, then to sweat it out and atrve myself for a shape I will never achieve.
I may not be able to fit into my size six jeans, but that doesn't stop me from wearing them!
Here's to the thick and juicey everywhere, have another what-ever-it-is you're eating!
And I will take these photos down after a week, they're only for shock value.

Patriotism in the South

I know you all are saying, "yeah but you live in the South" and this is truly an on-going joke for many subjects education, hair, speech, weird happenings, etc... but one thing you can't beat anywhere else in the United States of America is the total patriotism of these parts.
First offf you might say, well of course their patriotic many of them still fly the Confederate flag on their cars, houses and clothing. This is true, they do come across as a blood thirsty bunch. But here's the only up side to this fact, they are very dedicated people. they are goingto fight for the honor of all fallen soldiers. Yes, they were wrong about the 400 years of slave trading and owning, and you'll find many a ignorant people still wishing they had thier own country (I'm still baffled by this), but this dedication to honoring soldiers has become a way of life for most . We'll call it a deep sense of sincere graditude.
Back to present day, about 3/4 of all troops and bases are down in the southern regions of the U.S., and most people who live down here have close relatives who are life long military folks. The average person up North does not. Take our family for instance, niether on our mom's side nor our dad's side do we have anyone who even signed up for the reserves. And we've have had many a males pass through the family gene pool lately.On Joe's side the closest thing we have to a military guy is the husband of his cousin who is in the Resereves.
The south's patriotism can't be beat.
They still hold parades for our troops, meet them at airports to send them off or greet them coming home. They are dediated to the cause. when their loved one dies in war there is no media griping and I hate Bush speech. They are true military famlies, honoring their dead soldier with a clear focus on what they died for. Do they agree with the war? Who knows. Did they vote for Bush twice? I don't know, but I do know that neither of those questions are relevant to the support of their soldier. We get so focused on our own lives and expectations of what a war should be, we forget to honor our troops with 100% of ourselves, being thankful and respectful for what they do to keep us in our home safely. I guess paying a soldier ture tibute means being a lot more self-less like they are, and have to be, at war.

I'm going to go to a prade this 4th of July and just blend in this year, because if the South does anything right, they certainly support thier families in arms with as much honor and respect that they can give, and that folks, is more than anyone who doesn't live down here will ever know or experience!

Music I recommend

Mary J. blige and I are like sisters and I don't mean sistas.
Her new disc, good, really good. I recommend the slow jam beats to any day. For instance, I am relaxed, filing stuff, typing things, waiting for Ava to wake up at 7 p.m. so we can eat dinner and who is singing to me, my sister, Mary!
So take me as I am... or have nothing at all, I can only be me....
snap yo fangers (that's lil John, a freak show I don't recommend, he's the genius that invented Krunk juice, yeah it exists down here.)

I digress, I also recommend Imogen, another hit of the decade, nice beat, lovely voice, completely creative and unique in lyric and sound. Very satisfied with my tunes thank you very much.
Here is a visual aid of me ja, ja, ja, jammin! The flags were pre-fab, but still relevent!

Here I go again!

Dear Bernard

I am a mentor to 4 Teach for America teachers. My job is to sit there and observe them, I also am not suppose to handle the class at all because they are suppose to learn how to handle all kinds of discipline issues. However, the teacher/mom in me just can't bud out sometimes, and I do get bored watching a class operate without "doing" anything. Sitting, just sitting. Watching.
Anywho, I find writing little cartoon flip messages on postit's a very effective technique to communitcate to my class. This is an example of a clip message to one of my students.
Enjoy, and hope you don't receive one yourself.

Mediocrity will not be celebrated!

yes she is officially walking. No I did not tell you sooner because she should have been walking a while ago, we will not celebrate mediocrity. However, she is extremely successful at finger-painting my walls while I'm up on a latter, she can handel her own on a long flight of steps (supervision is usually provided by the parental figures), and she is perfectly capable of singing in tune (which songs we do not know, enunciation is still a weak point).

She misses her brother I can tell, mom misses the man too, I swear I'm not deflecting my missing him on to her, it's genuine.
I started writing my book. I'm disracted though... work. Something about actually working at work hinders me from my hobbies, I'll figure my way around this hurddle.

Ode to My little Guy

Even though you'd probably be bugging me right about now, even though you wake up in a puddle of your own urine and then want to cuddle me, even though you take all of your sister's toys away and make her whine to me, even though you talk way too much about crazy things, even though you think your Yoda one minute and Luke the next and get mad at me for calling you the wrong Jedi name, Even though you waste half the food I make for you, and then complain that your hungry, even though you sing the wrong words to songs just like your dad and then make me sing the song your way, even though you argue like an old man, except you really don't know a whole lot... I really miss you

Orange Beach Bama

Hey peeps,
Here is theevidence that we did in fact go on a vacation.
We were relaxed. We had a blast. A typical beach vacation. tons of sun, go carts, southerners, and shrimp.
I recommend this vacation spot, unless there is a hurrican/tropical storm. Our place was in between 2 bodies of water, the penninsula, and the gulf.
Vaca Happenings: Shark sitings, yikes! Early rises to the sun, hard beds, Go cart pile ups caused by Joe, Gabe driving a mni go cart and dominatong the track, NASCAR here we come. And the finale, Lasha getting sunburned, What? No!

Now the summer begins.
We shipped Gabe off to the Grand rents in MN. Wow, ma and pa Stewart are sturggling. OUr days are realtively quiet now. I hang out at Ava's daycare just to hear little minds rammble on for hours.
Ma Stewart is teaching summer school for five weeks, but only teaching 1 week out of those five. I will actually be mentoring 4 other adults in the room. Woh, someone get off the stress bar, I just can't take it! I will be working on the house and my tan in the mean time.
Pa stewart is still arresting bad boys and getting so much training he actually is working himself out of a job, his title Mr. Over-qualified! Teh feds better take him with all this training swimming around in his head. With his new surveilance class he has now learned to sodder mini mics and mini cameras. I will always feel watched!
enough enough of the updates,I'm starting to write my book, no better time than now right?
Also the Stewart Christmas card will be gracing your mail boxes shortly! No better time than now!

She's laughing at you all

Schools out for the SUMMER

Alice and I have a lot in common! Both of us think we are collegiate rock stars, and only one of us really is, we'll let the masses decide as to which should be though...
Although we're both happy that shcools out for the summer!

Wow this year has been long and arduous.
Here's my list of why the year was so long:
1Child got hit by bus and died at school
a. 1 co worker died, not on campus
b 3 parents died of either drugs, drug related or HIV deaths
2 Too mant kids came into 6th grade not having passed 5th grade.
3. No support from administration (had to get beyond creative)
4. Kids who would otherwise be labled as Mentally Handicapped were stuck in our classrooms and told were normal, they are not!
5. Made us work 40 extra hours before school year began and still have yet to see the money for it.
6. 100% Confidence with 100% incompetence, the new moto for our school

ALl this aside I could go on and get more peronal and add more proof as to why our public schools are failing, but I don't want to get fired, than call on the media to air my grievances to get a job again.


Let's focus on the beach.
Orange Beach Alabama here we come. White beaches, blue water and a really white man from the neck down is all I am going to see for the next week ... We haven't had a vacation in a long while and this is the only thing on our minds.

mom's day maddness

Day cares are the greatest, they even make Mom's day cards for me!That takes all the pressure off of buying my own present! Gabe made me a flower, twisted green tissue paper stables to a piece of construction paper never lookded so original. Plus it will never die, the best flower in the world!

Appeasing the Masses

So appease the readers (fans if you will) I will update, but just to tease...
So the house. Not buying it...
AVa not walking, thighs to big, vicious cirlce
Adri, still ticking,
Dad still limping, but blood thinner
Joe's liver still bad, attitude badder, job baddest (lots of home raids, legal of course)
Dog on the front page, not mine, story non eventful, Dallas is certified nuts, and sick and if you want it call my neighbor!
As for me, I get saner as I get older...
Percy leaving patches of black hair all over the house, shedding is alot like chemo, except the cancerous dog never goes away, even though her 4 foot holes dug all over the yard allows her to blissfully run away, but she always comes back.
pics are coming soon.
Fans be patient
For the love of all that is pure and holy,
PLEASE COMMENT ON MOM'S BLOG,
her guilt trips are seeping onto all of our comment pages, put on your guilt trip blockers, I'm sure there will be more to come.

dallas, don't ask!