bagochillun: April 2009

"(38) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, (39) neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I'm not sure if it is my old age (crawling up on 31 folks, send presents after June 1st please. They will be accepted until late Sept.)or the pregnancy hormones (these will pass in June as well)but ever since my trip to Cambodia my life verse of Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, be not of your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and He will make your path straight" has been upgraded to Romans 8:38-39.
Why you ask? Well, because life has changed a bit for me. That's all, no real big revelations, no real life or death situation (beside the grease fire) but simply life's consistancy has allowed me to focus on God's consistancy. I pity those who do not have what I have, and i am not talking about my kids, hubby, home, car or job. I'm talking about my security. Plain and simple hope, peace, and unconditional salvation and grace.
With the increasing of my offspring comes added pressure to not fear, Obama doesn't help the situation.
After having Gabe 8 years ago, my fear meter went up. Than working in a very dangerous inner city environment increased that fear ten fold. But Proverbs 3:5 brought me peace. Jesus always reassured me, why fear? What's the point? I brought you here, do you think I'd allow you to be hurt?
The answer was no. No HE did not bring me to ATL to get hurt, shot, beat up or act dumb. I learned my surroundings, adapted a bit too much, but grew in my understanding that HE is still in control as long as I let HIM be.
After having Ava and moving to MO, I realized that I didn't want danger anymore or the stress of pouring more into someone else's kids in a classroom only to return home to my hubby and kids totally spent! I wanted home time. Hence, Proverbs 3:5 gave me my current job. EASY LIKE BUTTER, or better yet, "Sunday morning". I was able to come home earlier, not as tired, my job was a bit more fulfilling and life seemed to settle down and I regained a focus I felt I lost.
Now I find myself looking for more challenges. I'm not in danger persay, but here comes the added danger of growing luke-warm, Sunday-Christianesque, and I say "No thank you complacency", "I'll pass apathy".
Cambodia reignited that fire to be bold in the everyday monotony of life. And not because anything dangerous or miraculous occurred, but rather the opposite. I'm content in planting seeds, teaching and seeing no immediate result, just making a plan to do something I was designed to do and follow through with it.
Is that not the meaing of life, just live "it".
American Culture has slapped us with an identity problem that I don't identify with at all. If we are not doing something deemed Wonderful or attention grabbing than we have no value. But that is simply "LIES from the DEVIL". I have purpose and meaning regardless of others given attention and/or kudos. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and somehow the joke has lost humor now that Richard Smally has possible become a Senator. I digress.

Easter reminded me that when you have the Peace that Passes all Understanding the only limit there is to the HAND of God is what I put on HIM. Ask for the impossible, demand the best, Wait for the Hope longed for (not Obama's version). There is nothing lofty in expecting God to be God. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing can steal or rob me of Peace and assurance of Jesus? What can steal heaven from me? I know you Karma people are knocking on all the wood that you can find right now, but I don't fear that. Karma doesn't exsist when there's true peace. I'm not under a knife of the world's scale and scrutiny, or other people's meter of goodness and justice.

I read good news today about my grandfather. My heart rejoiced, I was in the middle of testing my students, so there was no dance of joy, but I know the angels did that for me. It also reminded me that I will be over critical, my weakness will resonate, I will lose arguments and friendships, I will be disappointed and grieve, but all this pales when put into an eternal perspective that it all passes and in the end, HE who has won, will greet me in the end.